Friday, June 25, 2010

The IT Crowd Returns! (A Humble Review) *spoilers*

Ah. This sound. I sat down to watch the new episode of The IT Crowd already feeling like a giddy teenage girl (yes, that still happens from time to time), but when the opening theme started to play, well, I had a total spaz attack.

So regardless of everything else going on around me, I was already pretty pumped for this.

Jen The Fredo opens with Moss 'compiling a play list' for a role playing game he's going to host. I never figured Moss would be into RPG, but I went with it because I was just happy to have the show back. Meanwhile, Jen is bangin' on about wanting to be the new Entertainment Manger, and we find out Roy has just gotten out of a long term relationship (and he's still not over it).

Which kind of puzzled me. Why tell the viewers what one character has been up to while the show was off the air, but not give us any insight as to what Jen and Moss (or even Douglas, for that matter) have been doing? Yes. I know Moss said he'd met a girl 'while on holiday' but when Roy makes a smart remark about it and Moss reacts badly to Roy's clip, I determined there was no girl (and maybe even no holiday).

But, again, I was willing to go with it out of my deep and abiding love for the show. Jen seemed to be less uptight and confused than usual (which I just chalked up to character development) but Moss was still the lovable geek he's always been, so I was good to go.

Jen approaches Douglas about being Ents. Manager and he laughs in her face. Which, really, is to be expected (especially since both Moss and Roy told her 'it's not for you, Jen'). Douglas informs Jen that the position is not going to go to her because, traditionally, that title has always been held by a man. Jen reminds him that their company has a horrible reputation as being sexist. Douglas reminds Jen that he was the recipient of an award given by feminists that's shaped like "that ice cream fellow" (only after calling Jen 'sugar tits', which, I'm not going to lie, made me laugh). Jen then informs Douglas that the award given to him by the feminists which he so proudly displays on his desk is actually the "Shithead Of The Year" award. Har Har.

Meanwhile, Roy is still moping over the loss of his girlfriend and Moss tries to give him some very Moss-y advice. Roy shoots down Moss' advice. Jen comes in proclaiming she got the job and the boys inform her her new position is very much like the one Fredo held in The Godfather, (ie: Jen is now a pimp and is expected to show these out of town business men a 'good time'). Jen tries to explain to Moss and Roy that The Godfather was the 70's; this is a totally different time and totally different circumstances.

Cut to Douglas in his office holding a drink, laughing with three other business men and cutting the conversation short (with a tactful 'Enough about our balls!') when he sees Jen enter the room. Douglas introduces Jen to the three business men (Phil, John and John) who immediately mistake her for some kind of stripper or whore. We're off to a good start already, gents! Douglas explains that she's the new Ents. Manager. What?! How could this be?! She's a woman for Christ sakes! Douglas tries to convince Phil and the Johns that Jen knows the 'sleaziest routes' to take in London and they shouldn't worry. Jen promises to take them to see an all-female show that she promises is well raunchy.

Cut the Jen, Phil and the Johns being tossed out of a showing of The Vagina Monologues.

Back at Reynholm Industries, Douglas is meeting with a group of feminists to try to convince them to give the "Shithead of the Year" award to someone more deserving (as if that man even exists). Jen enters the office and (before she can be properly introduced to the women), mistakes the feminists for prostitutes, offends them (and proves their point about Douglas being a total dick) and leaves.

Back in the IT room, Jen laments over having to spend a whole week with Phil and the Johns. Moss attempts to give her a male viewpoint and insure her that he can show Phil and the Johns a good time without throwing morality out the window.

Cut to Moss trying to explain to Roy, Phil and the Johns the rules of RPGs. Roy is still crying and the businessmen look totally bored. Phil proclaims that RPGs sound gay. Moss nearly proves Phil's point. As the games begin, Jen enters the room in what I can only describe as a different persona. Masculine, nearly misogynistic and projecting onto the men typically female stereotypes. Holy shit! Jen is me in this scene!

Meanwhile, Douglas is getting it on with Miranda, one of the feminists, in his office. Miranda informs him that she doesn't have the ability to take the award back herself, and also lets slip that he was nominated because "one of the women in the IT department" sent their organization a list of complaints about things Douglas had done over the past year.

Cut to Phil and the two Johns actually enjoying the RPG.

This is where Moss does something that seemed wildly out of character for me. He took on the persona (in the game; not as weird as Jen's personality change earlier) of "Queen Eliza Eldridge of the elves", who in the game dumped Roy's RPG character.

My first thought as this whole scenario started was "OH MY GOD, MOSS!" I felt as though Moss had opened a whole can of worms and dumped it, soil and all, into the gaping flesh-wound that was once Roy's heart.

I'm not going to spoil what happens next. Go watch it for yourself, lazy. Let's just say even Phil and the Johns start crying.

The Three Little Businessmen reports back to Douglas how happy they are with their new Ents Manager. Douglas lets Jen know that he's aware Jen's the one who reported him to the feminists and ultimately help secure him the award. Jen then asks Moss and Roy what happens at the end of The Godfather and they tell her The Godfather has Fredo killed.

And the show ends on a final laugh that results from Douglas being careless and Jen over-reacting.

Honestly, this first episode was a little disappointing. There wasn't as many moments of flight-of-fantasy what the fuckery as in the previous three series.

But I'm going to take into mind the fact that nothing really could have lived up to the hype I sort of built up in my mind over The IT Crowd returning. There are two things that are going to make me watch episode two of the new series when it airs: my aforementioned blind and undying love for the show and the knowledge that Fielding will be returning at some point to reprise his role as Richmond the lovable goth.

Four out of Five stars.

Monday, March 22, 2010

A Continuation of The Gaga Saga

I first called your attention to what has now been termed in my mind (affectionately): The Gaga Saga in this post.

Since then I have accumulated more photos. *grins* They're good.

Points go to Gaga, only because purple is my favorite color and zebra stripes are my favorite print. Yes. That is like buying a judge's vote, but seeing as how I'm fairly sure neither Gaga nor Noel have seen this (and are therefore unaware I have them caught up in this little fashion competition), I doubt she did this on purpose.

Points go to Noel. No. I don't need to give you a reason. Jeeze.

Points go to Gaga. Noel! We can't see your eyes! You're gunna trip on the NME red carpet!


Again: Tie until I see better quality picks of Noel's new look. Am I the only one diggin' this? :/ Really? Fuck it. I don't care.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Let's Get Something Straight (No Pun Intended)

Let me preface this by saying I've been spending (admittedly) too much time on an amazing blog I found called The Sexist. It's especially beneficial to me so close to Valentines Day/Singles Awareness Day (SAD is a whole other outrage entirely). It fuels my inner rage, you see. :)

Usually, I rage mostly about the gender ignorant topics they bring up. It is called "The Sexist", after all. But sometimes they bring up issues that are LGBT specific and the rage in me multiplies (If anyone needs reminding, I'm the "B" in LGBT).

It was an entry about a mother's outrage over her daughter being exposed to *gasp* a lesbian that turned my breakfast of waffles and coffee into an all-you-can-eat buffet of "What that bitch say?!".

The mother (apparently pretty pleased with herself) wrote to PFOX (Parents & Friends Of Ex-Gays) about the topic. She says:

"Our first-grader astonished her father at the end of the past school year as he dropped her off at our local Washington DC public school, Horace Mann Elementary, where he had attended school in the early 60s. She relayed to him that her teacher announced her impending marriage—to another woman—to the class. Following her revelation, this teacher encouraged questions from the children.

Our daughter also mentioned a book the teacher read aloud, “Uncle Bobby’s Wedding,” about two male “gay” guinea pigs, promoted by the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Transgender Lobby for children. Since homosexual activists cannot reproduce their own children, recruitment to their cause (especially at a young age, before parents have raised such sensitive and controversial topics with their children) is essential to the political agenda of promoting homosexuality and “gay” marriage."

Please not the items that have been emboldened. You read them? Good. Here are a few points:

A) Why is gay in quotations?
B) We can, actually, reproduce. I'm not sure who told you otherwise, but just because I'm attracted to/have had committed relationships with women doesn't mean my baby factory ain't workin'.
And finally the most important point:

I am not gay because I am political. I am political because I am gay

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Montag's New Look

I hate reality tv. Just getting that out there in the open right now. I've never watched "The Hills" but I have five working senses and live in the US so unfortunately, I know who Heidi and Spencer are.

In case you don't know, I'm about to make you feel my pain.

Evidence of Douche Baggery:

They are herpes legions on the cock of society.

But this post isn't just about my disgust for them. No. It's also aimed at me. Silly me for thinking these people couldn't possibly get any worse than they already are. I should really be ashamed.

I stumbled across this article while reading about airbrushed photo scandals in Hollywood and, well, I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now. It's a swirling mix of disgust, anger and sadness.


(Click the picture to see the "After" shot)

Okay. These are numbered as responses to the article. Just so you know. :)

11. She Says God Is On Her Side?!
Yes. I'm sure when you said your prayers at night asking God if it was alright to spend $30,000 asinine surgeries, he said "Well, sure Heidi! You go ahead and spend that copious amount on your frolic through the strange and terrifying lands of self mutilation in the name of beauty instead of, oh, I don't know, charity. Go right ahead."
I think she's taking Matthew 5:30 ("...and if thy right hand offends thee, cut it off") too seriously. Stick to The Cat In The Hat, Heidi. It's more your level.

10. There Is No Such Thing As "Sexy Ears", Heidi. STFU
Just because you now have your ears pinned to the sides of your head doesn't mean they're sexy. It means when we, the American public, finally drive you out of our society, you and your pinned ears, lipo'd thighs and Frankentitties can get a job at the circus because NO ONES EARS LOOK LIKE THAT!

09. Spencer Loves My Insides. But What Does He Know?!
She admits that her husband fell for her before all the surgeries started. I actually don't think I'm mad about this one. At least she didn't do it for him. All I'm saying is you were luck enough to find someone who loved you just the way you were naturally and you were willing to change for no discernible reason?!

Don't expect sympathy from me bitch, you did this to yourself.

07. YOU STUPID @%#$@&@#$@#%#$^#$%@#$@^$*&%^&$ YOU ARE SETTING US BACK THOUSANDS OF YEARS!
She now has DDD tits and wants to go even bigger. "They're better!" she told one mag. No, sweetie, they're not. They're just bigger. That's all. Good luck with all the back pain you just signed yourself up for. I hope your spine breaks. Bye!

06. I No Longer Wish To Live In This World. Get Me A Rocketship, Please.
"...statistics from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery show that cosmetic-surgery procedures performed on those 18 and younger have nearly doubled over the past decade, while nearly 14 percent of Botox injections are given to those in the 19-to-34 age group."
That's some of the most disturbing shit I've ever heard. And I watch serial killer shows for fun! Does she even realize there are young, stupid girls who look up to her? What is this flippant attitude towards plastic surgery saying to them about their body image?

05. "This is the real me!"
Okay, sugar. Let me lay it down for you. A) No, no it's not. and B) You do not look like a "Norse Goddess". You look like a blond inflatable fuck doll.

04. I just want you to know, Miss Montag; I'd rather masturbate with a machete than end up like you.
"She's gone from naive to Playboy model to looking as if she just stepped out of the pages of Penthouse, yet even the surgically enhanced Heidi just can't get enough. "I just love boobs," she says. "They make me feel more womanly." But "womanly" by whose standards?"
Direct quote from the online article. Couldn't have said it better.

03. She Thinks It Will Help Her Career?!

02. You Didn't Lose A Glass Slipper--You Done Lost Your Mind!
This, dear Heidi, is not a Cinderella Story. You are not some fairytale princess and Spencer sure as hell isn't prince charming. You're just a silly little girl with low self esteem who, instead of embracing your imperfections & the things you didn't like about yourself, decided have yourself poked and prodded and cut and stitched into an almost unrecognizable, waxier version of you....or some other blond woman who looks almost exactly like you. I don't think Disney (even with his subversive attitudes towards entertainment) would have made a movie about that.

01. "Perfect" Doesn't Exist. Sorry To Have To Tell You.
Wait. No I'm not. The sooner you get that through your plastic head, the sooner this madness can stop. I don't really care about you, Heidi. You could die in a fire tomorrow and upon hearing the news I would shrug and go back to whatever it was I was doing. But I do have two little sisters. The nine year old is already talking about how she's "fat" and I don't like where this world is going in relation to body image. It's people like you who are not helping. Get the surgery if you feel you have to; just don't tell us it's the right thing to do and that it will make you happy.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

You Never See Them In The Same Room Together.....

The other day I was thinking up ideas to make a new post on. I was sipping coffee and smoking a cigarette and dreaming of being one of those lovely and alluring French women I see in movies and of course I got to thinking about fashion. When am I not, right?

But the idea occurred to me: Why not do a style comparison of my Female Fashion Icon (Lady Gaga) and her Male Fashion Counterpart (Noel Fielding of The Mighty Boosh).

As I was searching the webiverse for pictures of them both in all their sequin-encrusted and fabric-stretched glory, I started to notice certain parallels between them that could not go unnoticed. The more I looked, well, honestly, the more I laughed.

Could it be that Lady Gaga is Lance Dior? No. Of course not, that's too much to hope for and she's so original the mere thought of copying someone else's style would make her, well, it would make her vomit on herself in infinite loop:

Suck that, Jeffree Star!

But you have heard that old saying "Everything's been done before", yes? So it's only logical that when trying to be yourself and create something original, you're going to accidentally do something someone else has already done, even if it is in a slightly different way.

Antlers. I have no idea what Godga was going for here, but I do know that Noel's been rockin' those things since The Mighty Boosh were just The Boys In The Wood. This round goes to him.

Oh, the mirrorball suit! I don't know who I want to give this to. All I know is I want to stand under them both and dance the night away.

The only thing I love more than myself in Go Go Boots? Another attractive lady in Go Go Boots. And the only thing I love more than that? A man in Go Go Boots. Points go to Fielding, but only because of my massive fetish.

I've only seen Gaga rock this look once, but it immediately reminded me of nearly ever afterparty photo I've seen of Noel. Points go to Alice Cooper because he's been rockin' this look since both Noel and Gaga were zygotes.

Again, I don't know who to give points to. Sunflash is a newer character of Noel's and this is one of Gaga's newer visions.

Animal ears. Another crossroads for me. I DON'T KNOW WHO TO GIVE THE POINTS TO, PEOPLE!

Bin-bag chic. Points go to Gaga. Sorry Fieldmouse, you know I love you.

This last one is just for giggles.
They look like the same girl. It was too good to pass up! XD


Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Totally Gay 1st Addition: Fitzwilliam

You know how they say everyone has an inner child? Fitzwilliam (from The Big Gay Sketch Show airing on Logo) is mine. A little boy who wants nothing more than to be a little girl. Played wonderfully by the talented Kate McKinnon, Fitzwilliam prances about life with his stuffed unicorn (bonus points for mythical animal) Trixi while in search for a vagina. Alas, his plans are usually thwarted by his father played by one of my favorite men of all time (the Gay Pimp Daddy himself) Jonny McGovern.

Wanna find out more about TBGSS? Official site here.

Wanna see Fitwilliam in all his glory? Here he is at Hogwarts (Sorry for the craptastic quality of the video. It was the only one I could find. But Jonny McGovern as Snape kinda makes up for it).